Just a quick word or two..

      Another week has passed! Times go by so quickly when you are studying and learning about what you are passionate about. Have you ever thought about how different family culture can be? Do you think about how you would like your family culture to be? What things could you start doing to mold your family culture to get it to be what you want it to be?
      Well, I have some thoughts for you! The older that I have gotten, the more I realize how parents really do set up their family culture. They choose how they communicate, how they eat, the amounts of time they spend together as a family and so forth. This has been neat to study since I am new at this whole marriage thing and Zach and I are trying to discover and set patterns for what we want for our family culture. There is one key element in family culture that I would like to touch on. Service, out of love. This key element can truly change the feeling in our family. This week, I have been playing close attention to all of the acts of service that Zach has done for me and the results of those acts of service. I have really been feeling the love that comes through his service. It is not the big things, it is the little things. He brought me chocolates while I was studying for my classes, he brought me water when I was already in bed, he cleaned dishes without me asking, he complimented me and said a nice word or two. These little bits of service make a huge difference not just in a marriage, but also in a life of a family. When children see their dad or mom serving. they will follow their example and serve those around them.
      This is a simple and easy way to show love to your family and develop a family culture of love and service. We know that when we are serving we feel happiness and love towards the people we are serving. In my mind, this is the most simple but amazing piece of culture that we can implement into our daily lives and into the culture of out family. Start today! Service, smile, and love. Don't you want your children and grandchildren to learn the importance of service? Be the example today!

Can you do it?

        This week has been a super crazy one! When life gets crazy, I start seeing little bits of my mom and dad creeping out in me. And because of these reminders of my sweet mom and dad, I have been contemplating on my own personal family that I grew up in, that I love, and that I ADORE.

       This week in my classes we have been discussing a lot about family patterns and family mapping. There has been great discussion on how family patterns continue through generation to generation. When a couple gets divorced, the percentage that their children get divorced are very high. That is why we see anger and depression carry from one generation to another. As we have been having these conversations in class, not just in my family relations class, but also in all my other marriage and family classes, I have had inspired thoughts about change. We are the change. We get to be the one to change family generations for years to come if we choose to be. 

       Although we cannot sometimes choose what are weaknesses are and what they aren't, I do believe that if we are willing to put faith, work, diligence, and perseverance into shaping ourselves to be the change, we can. Genetics, nature, and nurture do not entirely shape who we can become. We can choose to change the pattern in our family culture. If your dad growing up was angry, depressed, and grumpy, you can CHOOSE to be happy, you can choose to smile more, and you can choose to use resources for support and help. If you had a mom who was an alcoholic, abusive, and unkind, you can choose to be kind, to love, and to keep your body clean from addictions. We may not be able to pick out what our weaknesses are, but we can decide how they shape us. We can decide if we are going to keep the same patterns we have seen, and lived in, or if we are going to educate ourselves, learn about change, and grow in faith in God.

       I am not just making this up, it is real. I have seen it in my own life, and even in myself. I have had to learn, listen to the Spirit and others on how to respond with gentleness. I have had to learn how to take deep breathes. I have had to learn how to not let anxiety rule my life. I am still learning how to change these patterns that are in my family pattern from years of generations back. Instead of just allowing these things to destroy my relationships, to talk harshly to those I love, and to let anxiety steal my happiness, I am trying to learn to change. Change the pattern. Just think, if you learn to change one pattern in your family culture that may be from generations and generations back, how is that going to affect the children you have? There is power in learning, growing, and improving generations of negative family patterns. One of my professors here on campus told us that his parents were divorced when he was a young boy, and he decided from that point on that he was going to do everything in his power from having that happen in his marriage. So guess what he did? He learned everything he could about marriage, he went to school all around the USA, he has done research, and now he teaches at BYU-Idaho trying to help students have success in their family and marriage relationships. Powerful? I think so. We cannot choose what family we get, what family hardships we get, or what weaknesses we get from generations of family lines, but we do get to choose if we will change one negative pattern to be a positive pattern. 

       Are you going to be the change in your family? What is one thing you see in your generation line that you would like to be different? Do you want to keep a marriage strong? Do you want to have close relationships with family members? Do you want to change that bad habit of self-doubt that has been traveling from generation to generation? 

     It's your TURN! Find something you want to change and do it. Go to God for help. go to the scriptures for answers, go see that counselor, go to the library and start reading about anxiety, study every article about keeping a marriage together. Let us be the one to change negative generation patterns.

 

New ideas, thoughts, and feelings!

          Hello friends and family! I am taking a family relations class this semester at BYU-Idaho and one of our main projects this year is to keep a blog about all that we are learning. I am so excited to share with you some of my thoughts, feelings, and ideas about the family.
          I have been studying and thinking this week about trends and myths in marriage and family life. I think it is interesting if you look at the trends of the world today, you will see it is very common that mothers are going into the workforce, couples are delaying marriage until later in life, and cohabitation is 60-80% in the USA. As I have been thinking about these topics this week, I have come to realize that I have some very unique beliefs. I believe that marriage is ordained of God. I believe that because Heavenly Father loves us so much, He has given us the gift of marriage. I often get weird looks from people because I chose to get married at age 19. Even with the weird looks that I get, I know that marriage and family is the greatest gift we will ever receive on this earth. Marriage can be challenging, but it is also rewarding. I think it is hard to stick out sometimes and be different than the world. My mom has been an amazing example to me in this regard. Standing up and sticking out in the world for what is true is a good thing. I have had to stick up for what I believe in during my adolescent years as well as my adult years. Growing up, I had to stand up for being home schooled, and being LDS. In my early adult years, I have had to stand up for believing in marriage and family. I know that those who believe that marriage is between a man and a woman and that families are central to God's plan are going to have to learn how to stand up and stick out as the world digresses.
          A myth of married life is that romantic love will last forever, and happy marriages don't have conflict or go through hard spots. Well, let me tell you, these things are definitely not true. Of course, I've been married 4 months, so I am not quite sure about the romantic love going away, but my father-in-law Landon Loertscher said something very profound to Zach and I. He said, "Those romantic sparks fade, but because of all the things you go through together, you feel a much deeper love for your spouse as you grow older together." I will always remember that.  Also, in my class, we talked about the conflict that couples face, and it is the hard things that a couple goes through that actually benefit their marriage and can make them stronger. Zach and I have gone through quite a few bumpy spots over the past few months of being married. We missed our cruise on our honeymoon, we had Zach's nice laptop stolen, we had financial aid setback, and we had car troubles. But, if there is one thing I do know, hard things bind you closer together as husband and wife if you allow them to. I have discovered that conflict and difficult trials can either bind you closer or tear you apart. And you know what is the most exciting about that? YOU get to choose how it affects your relationship.
          Be one to stick out.  Be one to stand up and be different. Defend your beliefs. Love more. Say positive things to your spouse more often when hard things come up. Allow family and marriage hardships to bind you together, not tear you apart.