The beginning of a life time.

Hello! I have been inspired this week as we have talked about transitions in marriage and learning how to form boundaries around a marriage. I have been thinking about if I went back to being engaged what would I tell myself and what would I tell others who are engaged right now. This is what I have come up with.
Enjoy the Journey of getting to know and adjust to one another. Openly, talk about the struggles and hardships you are having with adjustments to going from being engaged and now to being married. One of the hardest transitions for a girl is learning how to rely on their spouse. When hardships come up, going to your spouse instead of your mom or best friend.
When Zach and I went on our honeymoon, I really learned how to rely on him rather than family or friends through quite the terrible experience. Many know the story, but our original plan was to go on a cruise together for our honeymoon. Well, there were many things that came up on the day before we were supposed to go on our cruise. I woke up with a funny feeling, we were told that toll roads only accepted quarters from a lying rental car salesman, we had to get our birth certificates faxed to the cruise ship company, the directions were different than we had looked up before, and we were supposed to return our rental car at the port that ended up being somewhere else. All of this resulted in many tears when we arrived at the port and the ship was sitting there but security had already closed the gate to get on. This was one of those moments when everything stood still and I had to remember what really mattered the most. We experienced healing from being upset and unkind. This was a transition that took us time to learn.

Dating?

           Dating, courting, engagement, and marriage! Where has actual dating gone? This week we have talked a lot about dating and courting. We have discussed the difference of hanging out and actually dating. Dating takes preparation, time, and money. Hanging out does not take as much effort and come sometimes become too casual. 

         As I have been thinking this week about the importance of dating, I was reminded of how amazing my Husband is at this. When we first met, he was very persistent on calling me to ask me on a date instead of doing it over social media or text. I found this to be very respectful of him. He always made it an efforts to set up actual dates and not get too casual with just hanging out. I think this is very important. We as young people can get too relaxed when we are just "hanging out." I think that it is really important to teach young people in the world today how to properly date. Something else that has been on my mind this week is how a lady or young woman is supposed to act on dates and when they get asked out. I came up with three things that I feel are very important in the dating world. 1. Girls should be grateful whether or not she really is interested or not. She should say thank you, she should smile, and she should be kind. 2. Girls show build up her date. Women are naturally great at making people, especially men feel good about themselves. When a woman can compliment the person she is on a date with and build their dates confidence. 3. Girls should be present. I have seen it happen too often when a girl goes on a date with a guy she is not interested in and gets on her phone, looks around the room or area instead of listening to her date. I think there is an importance in treating each other with respect, kindness, and most importantly having fun together whether you are into each other or not. I have learned that it is not as much about who you are with, but your attitude towards the situation and the feelings you have toward who you are around. So, make a difference. Build up your date, smile, laugh, enjoy time with someone that you can learn from!

Fathers and Mothers...

          I've been thinking this week about the importance of a mom and dad. How have your mom or dad influenced you to change the world, or think differently than the average?  And how have they supported and loved you? I have been learning this week about the important roles of a mother and father in the family. As I have been learning about these roles in my classes this week, I have been reflecting on my own experiences in my home growing up with a father and mother. How do we teach our family that marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God? How do we teach our children the joy that marriage can bring between a man and woman?
         WE can be the example. How did I learn my divine nature as a woman and future mother?  I watched. My mom showed through her example what it means to be a woman of courage, faith, and confidence. Growing up, I saw the importance of being a mother, developing feminine characteristics,nurturing, loving children, and embrace my identity as a lady. I was taught the important role that I have as a woman in the world. My eyes saw my mom put make up on, run a home, and rock a baby. I learned from watching that I wanted to be a mom, wife, and beautiful lady like my mom is.
I also watched my dad. I learned from my dad the importance of working hard, providing for a family, diligence in helping in the home, and showing love to his children. I saw the important role of a father, male, and protector. I watched him change diapers, put kids to bed, pay the bills, read scriptures, and work long hours. I saw my dad take care of my mom. I saw my dad support our family. I listened to my dad give advice about life. My dad gave his time and energy to help my mom and family.
          It was through the example of watching with my eyes and listening with my ears that I learned the truth that is stated here:

THE FAMILY

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A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

          In a world where people are confused, we can see that the way children learn the importance of family life and marriage between a man and a woman is through the example they see and the lessons they are taught in the home. Let us strive to think of how we can embrace and share the truth of a mother and father in the family. 

Just a quick word or two..

      Another week has passed! Times go by so quickly when you are studying and learning about what you are passionate about. Have you ever thought about how different family culture can be? Do you think about how you would like your family culture to be? What things could you start doing to mold your family culture to get it to be what you want it to be?
      Well, I have some thoughts for you! The older that I have gotten, the more I realize how parents really do set up their family culture. They choose how they communicate, how they eat, the amounts of time they spend together as a family and so forth. This has been neat to study since I am new at this whole marriage thing and Zach and I are trying to discover and set patterns for what we want for our family culture. There is one key element in family culture that I would like to touch on. Service, out of love. This key element can truly change the feeling in our family. This week, I have been playing close attention to all of the acts of service that Zach has done for me and the results of those acts of service. I have really been feeling the love that comes through his service. It is not the big things, it is the little things. He brought me chocolates while I was studying for my classes, he brought me water when I was already in bed, he cleaned dishes without me asking, he complimented me and said a nice word or two. These little bits of service make a huge difference not just in a marriage, but also in a life of a family. When children see their dad or mom serving. they will follow their example and serve those around them.
      This is a simple and easy way to show love to your family and develop a family culture of love and service. We know that when we are serving we feel happiness and love towards the people we are serving. In my mind, this is the most simple but amazing piece of culture that we can implement into our daily lives and into the culture of out family. Start today! Service, smile, and love. Don't you want your children and grandchildren to learn the importance of service? Be the example today!

Can you do it?

        This week has been a super crazy one! When life gets crazy, I start seeing little bits of my mom and dad creeping out in me. And because of these reminders of my sweet mom and dad, I have been contemplating on my own personal family that I grew up in, that I love, and that I ADORE.

       This week in my classes we have been discussing a lot about family patterns and family mapping. There has been great discussion on how family patterns continue through generation to generation. When a couple gets divorced, the percentage that their children get divorced are very high. That is why we see anger and depression carry from one generation to another. As we have been having these conversations in class, not just in my family relations class, but also in all my other marriage and family classes, I have had inspired thoughts about change. We are the change. We get to be the one to change family generations for years to come if we choose to be. 

       Although we cannot sometimes choose what are weaknesses are and what they aren't, I do believe that if we are willing to put faith, work, diligence, and perseverance into shaping ourselves to be the change, we can. Genetics, nature, and nurture do not entirely shape who we can become. We can choose to change the pattern in our family culture. If your dad growing up was angry, depressed, and grumpy, you can CHOOSE to be happy, you can choose to smile more, and you can choose to use resources for support and help. If you had a mom who was an alcoholic, abusive, and unkind, you can choose to be kind, to love, and to keep your body clean from addictions. We may not be able to pick out what our weaknesses are, but we can decide how they shape us. We can decide if we are going to keep the same patterns we have seen, and lived in, or if we are going to educate ourselves, learn about change, and grow in faith in God.

       I am not just making this up, it is real. I have seen it in my own life, and even in myself. I have had to learn, listen to the Spirit and others on how to respond with gentleness. I have had to learn how to take deep breathes. I have had to learn how to not let anxiety rule my life. I am still learning how to change these patterns that are in my family pattern from years of generations back. Instead of just allowing these things to destroy my relationships, to talk harshly to those I love, and to let anxiety steal my happiness, I am trying to learn to change. Change the pattern. Just think, if you learn to change one pattern in your family culture that may be from generations and generations back, how is that going to affect the children you have? There is power in learning, growing, and improving generations of negative family patterns. One of my professors here on campus told us that his parents were divorced when he was a young boy, and he decided from that point on that he was going to do everything in his power from having that happen in his marriage. So guess what he did? He learned everything he could about marriage, he went to school all around the USA, he has done research, and now he teaches at BYU-Idaho trying to help students have success in their family and marriage relationships. Powerful? I think so. We cannot choose what family we get, what family hardships we get, or what weaknesses we get from generations of family lines, but we do get to choose if we will change one negative pattern to be a positive pattern. 

       Are you going to be the change in your family? What is one thing you see in your generation line that you would like to be different? Do you want to keep a marriage strong? Do you want to have close relationships with family members? Do you want to change that bad habit of self-doubt that has been traveling from generation to generation? 

     It's your TURN! Find something you want to change and do it. Go to God for help. go to the scriptures for answers, go see that counselor, go to the library and start reading about anxiety, study every article about keeping a marriage together. Let us be the one to change negative generation patterns.

 

New ideas, thoughts, and feelings!

          Hello friends and family! I am taking a family relations class this semester at BYU-Idaho and one of our main projects this year is to keep a blog about all that we are learning. I am so excited to share with you some of my thoughts, feelings, and ideas about the family.
          I have been studying and thinking this week about trends and myths in marriage and family life. I think it is interesting if you look at the trends of the world today, you will see it is very common that mothers are going into the workforce, couples are delaying marriage until later in life, and cohabitation is 60-80% in the USA. As I have been thinking about these topics this week, I have come to realize that I have some very unique beliefs. I believe that marriage is ordained of God. I believe that because Heavenly Father loves us so much, He has given us the gift of marriage. I often get weird looks from people because I chose to get married at age 19. Even with the weird looks that I get, I know that marriage and family is the greatest gift we will ever receive on this earth. Marriage can be challenging, but it is also rewarding. I think it is hard to stick out sometimes and be different than the world. My mom has been an amazing example to me in this regard. Standing up and sticking out in the world for what is true is a good thing. I have had to stick up for what I believe in during my adolescent years as well as my adult years. Growing up, I had to stand up for being home schooled, and being LDS. In my early adult years, I have had to stand up for believing in marriage and family. I know that those who believe that marriage is between a man and a woman and that families are central to God's plan are going to have to learn how to stand up and stick out as the world digresses.
          A myth of married life is that romantic love will last forever, and happy marriages don't have conflict or go through hard spots. Well, let me tell you, these things are definitely not true. Of course, I've been married 4 months, so I am not quite sure about the romantic love going away, but my father-in-law Landon Loertscher said something very profound to Zach and I. He said, "Those romantic sparks fade, but because of all the things you go through together, you feel a much deeper love for your spouse as you grow older together." I will always remember that.  Also, in my class, we talked about the conflict that couples face, and it is the hard things that a couple goes through that actually benefit their marriage and can make them stronger. Zach and I have gone through quite a few bumpy spots over the past few months of being married. We missed our cruise on our honeymoon, we had Zach's nice laptop stolen, we had financial aid setback, and we had car troubles. But, if there is one thing I do know, hard things bind you closer together as husband and wife if you allow them to. I have discovered that conflict and difficult trials can either bind you closer or tear you apart. And you know what is the most exciting about that? YOU get to choose how it affects your relationship.
          Be one to stick out.  Be one to stand up and be different. Defend your beliefs. Love more. Say positive things to your spouse more often when hard things come up. Allow family and marriage hardships to bind you together, not tear you apart.